Wednesday, September 21, 2016

#417 : Of fraandships and friendships

Due to the lack of proper motivation, I kept procrastinating the task of writing something that has been wrecking my brain for quite sometime now - About friendships in the modern era of Facebook. Mahesh, a friend of mine from a blogger club I am a part of, posted a poem about true friendships last week. After reading that, I wondered, if I could really call him a friend. It's not about him as a person of course and it's not just him. It's just that I'm not the type to brood over people or their behavior, but of late, I find myself contemplating on how I don't really connect instantly with people online and make fraandships!

There is this friend of mine, a real friend, whom I have known for quite sometime now. We interacted on a daily basis and that's how we became friends in the first place.Our common traits and mutual interests got us together. We've had our fair share of tussles and misunderstandings. However, there came a point when I wondered if all that was true. One misunderstanding and that person changed completely. That person went on to call random people as best friends, gave them cute nicknames, shared anecdotes and inside jokes - all on Facebook. I know for a fact that they  haven't met each other in real-life. I thought that person wasn't the kind to make friendships so quickly. 4 months was all it took to 'move on'. I thought I knew that person better. I know I sound melodramatic, but I wonder. Do people change or do we see what we choose to see about them? I digress.

Is it really that simple to trust a person enough to call them a  best friend, especially if you don't interact with them in person frequently or worst, haven't met them in person?  The digital world gives you plenty of means to mask the person you really are. It's easy to pretend when it's all words and pictures. Is it easy to find companionship and love? Is it easy to find a person who would be there for you when you've hit rock bottom? Is it easy to find a person who know can take your darkest secrets to grave? Apparently, it is. One click, share, like or comment and Voila! you are the next best friend. Chat 24X7 with them, wish them on their birthdays, send funny videos and  who knows you might make way into their heart and find yourself a boyfriend or girlfriend. Sounds depressingly pessimistic, but that's how it is apparently.

So you don't make friends on Facebook you ask? Yes I do. However, the difference being my maturity of not going on a PDA spree about how "awesomatic" friends we are. I don't call them friends, I call them acquaintances. Most importantly, I don't do it for self-gratification. I've been on the social media platforms for long enough to understand that I don't want to be famous. I don't ditch my actual friends to make space for new people in my life. If they deserve a space, they will make it immaterial of the hows and whys! I've met the best of human class online. They sound polite and very civilized, however, are they what they claim to be in person? One can only trust and hope.

Friendship has become such a loose term. I keep getting chat requests from random strangers who are seeking 'fraandships'. For all I know they can be rapists or  murderers or just a lonely soul genuinely seeking an ear to talk. Even the best of a relationship nurtured from a young age evaporates under testing circumstances. What chance does one made over words and pictures have? I'm just being a realist.

If you have so much to criticize and despair, why are you still on social media platforms you ask?! Why do you blog and share it with various groups you ask? Human evolution. How else do I catch up?



  1. I'd say that it takes an year at least to know someone well. Or one of year of that person's life which you are aware of. All it needs is .. Time..

  2. Indeed! However one year online time can't possibly match a year of interaction in person!

  3. I forgot to mention that :)
    One year - interaction in person. Even if it's 10 years of online friendship, it can't be 100%. So yes, meet people in person, hang out and take some few good months to 'reinforce' the friendship.

  4. Good post Janani. I liked the fraandship part very much :)

    Yeah, online friendships can go either way. You simply can't trust a person by interacting with them online. In fact, some people are so complex that you can't trust them at all even after few years.

  5. Thank you! Indeed! Humans are one complex being!

  6. I so relate to this post. Social media sure has either ruined or increased expectations in friendships. Online friendships/friends are very attractive because it isn't real, it is what we want to believe it is. It gives a false sense that people are there for you whenever you need them. Unfortunately, I have seen even real friendships take ugly turns because of all the passive aggressive posts of BS and because of expectations of PDA on social media. I could go on and on :)

  7. *sigh* It's so disheartening in a way! Wish we could go back to good old times of actually talking and interacting with people!

  8. Tell me about it. I've been on the wrong end of the stick for so long. I have limited my presence in social media just because of this. People are fake. And people in social media are as worst as it can get. When I was not of use to them, they just discarded me like a trash. Earlier, I had this itch to prove them wrong. But now, I don't even feel like making an effort. Such is life.

  9. Ha ha ha! Welcome to the club of not wanting to prove a thing! This is my one last attempt to shove it on their face. I didn't want to carry the guilt of not trying.
    Yay to peace! Amen!